“Unbearable Penis” Use of the Penis and Sex Addiction as the Crystallization of a Sex Negative Culture

…The psychopathologies that develop within a culture (such as sex addiction), far from being anomalies or aberrations, are characteristic expressions of that culture, as the crystallization…of much that is wrong with it (such as sex phobia).

Whose penis is this?  Your partner or wife, medicine, psychology, religion, and job all claim ownership over it.  The male sex addict is a constellation of socio-economic-psycho-relational-sexual factors that combine to produce a “man” who is colonized by the male relational-work industrial complex.  The hegemony of work, family, partner, keeps him feeling depleted and trapped, his extensive and consistent sexuality shamed.

The characteristics of “healthy” sex are covert attempts to police and control sexuality.  Why is “healthy” sex that which is situated within committed relationships?  And why always with a partner?  Neither truly legitimize sexual behavior.  If our current models of “marriage” and “relationships” were truly “healthy” then they would not have a 60-70% failure rate, as shown with rates of cheating, divorce, and marital dissatisfaction.  These symbols of failure are not due to the individual’s internal pathology.  That lazy analysis is for the naïve.  These high rates demonstrate they are a statistical norm.  Failure can be an expected sign of “health.”  There needs to be more options and better templates for relational functioning (standby for this in my book out next year, wink wink).  The conception of the sexually addicted as indicator of a special type (psycho or bio) that distinguishes the sexually addicted man from “healthy” man is erroneous, as we are all on the spectrum and continuum with differing degrees of struggle with cultural-sexual distress.  We all will at times struggle with sexual-relational compulsivity, sexual boundaries, and sexual-relational drives.

What is “healthy” sex?  Undefinable.  Sex is far too complex, diverse, multi-faceted, historically based, and relationally embedded.  Most “disorders” are created by traditional, white, hetero, cisgendered, married, high socio-econ males.   I know I do not want my father determining what is “healthy” sexually for me. Morals and values cannot help you either, as these too follow current socio-cultural trends and socially constructed norms and fears.  “Healthy” is subjective and relativistic.  There is no universal standard.  Sex has undergone a bifurcation leaving sex unrelated in most cases from procreation or “relationship”.    Evolutionary psychological theorizing is no longer relevant for understanding human sexuality.  Thank you Internet for expanding the uses and experiences of sex far beyond what I can catalogue.

The “sex addict” is a “healthy” “self” attempting to find balance and relief and return to a “natural” and functional homeostasis.  The “sex addict” is a symptom of our sex negative and phobic culture.  Overregulated, over contained, and over shamed.  Watch five hours of a baseball game and you are healthy, five hours of porn and you are an “addict”.  The hegemony of the sex addict “treatment” perpetuates the toxic label of “addict”.  This sex negative cultural pathology is forced onto the psyche of “healthy” men (most diagnoses “sex addicts” are men), then further traumatizing “clients” into sexual-relational 12-step programs where non-academics and professionals maintain a closed system of sexual “health” mythology.   The “sex addict” is understandably trying to live in a postmarriage, postmonogamy, postmedical-model world.

Porn actors, sex addict, strippers are all counter balances to our primitive and sexually anorexic culture.  They would just be actors, individuals, and dancers if we had a sexually healthy culture.  They would seamlessly be integrated into our society, without requiring caveats, distinct labels, or pejorative “warnings”.

“Sex addicts” do not need treatment programs as the real problem is with the “erotophobes.”  This extreme mental disorder, run by fear and anxiety about sexuality, dominates most literature, media, and cultural understandings of sexuality.  There are various neurological studies, full of brain scans, showing how under-activated and diseased the brains of this clinical population are.  They obsessively and compulsively create sex addiction literature, write books about avoiding pornography, over dramatize the impact of sex upon youth, and create diagnoses with no reliability, validity, or useful operational definitions.

If a partner or friend shames, judges, or objectifies your sexuality, please immediately diagnose them as an “erotophobe” and get them help.  I’m sure there will soon be a 12-step program for this mentally ill group.